Earlier today, Texas governor Greg Abbott made news when he announced that he would be lifting all COVID restrictions in place, including the statewide mask mandate he put into effect in July. Starting March 10, Governor Abbott is not just removing the mask mandate, but also the limit on the amount of patrons who can be in a restaurant, despite the fact that Texas has seen an uptick in new COVID cases (and COVID deaths) over the last two weeks. Texas becomes the largest state to join a list of other states to lift mask mandates and COVID restrictions.
But what the liberal media doesn’t want you to know is this: there’s so much more that Abbott is allowing. Let’s give it up for freedom.
Fancy Boys Club, under a FOIA request and getting someone in the Texas clerk’s office kinda soused, was able to obtain Governor Abbott’s full orders. Here is what the governor will be putting into effect next Wednesday:
* A full opening of all businesses.
* A complete removal of the statewide mask mandate as signed into effect by executive order last year.
* A complete re-opening of Jurassic Park.
* A complete re-opening of the beaches “close to where that fuckin’ Jaws shark hangs out”.
* Complete funding for the teleportation machine that Jeff Goldbum uses in “The Fly”.
* An immediate order turning off the electricity which is running the ghost containment system as set up by Drs. Venkman, Stanz, and Spengler (and also Mr. Zeddmore).
* The immediate building of an Action Park in Lubbock.
* Also, a new executive order that allows Dale Gribble to train more falcons.
For fucks sake, people, wear your damn masks and stay indoors if you can. Get the vaccine if possible. Be safe. Fuck Texas.