Hey kids, as you may well know – or not depending upon your life I guess – Super Bowl LIV is this Sunday. Who’s playing? It’s the Chiefs and the 49ers, but really who cares? This isn’t about who wins, but who makes money.
No, I’m not going to go on and on about which square to pick on the party or office grid to win sweet cash each quarter that eventually gets claimed victory by Francine the receptionist who generally hopes the team whose quarterback has the better-looking ass wins.
However, ladies and gents, that winner could be you using a different form of betting. And if you have the propensity to gamble your life away, why not do it watching a game rather than sitting at a roulette table quietly praying to your desired Lord to make that ball hit 22 Black? WARNING: No bet is a surefire thing (they are about as surefire a thing as a long-lasting marriage), but there are some Super Bowl bets you may want to make to try and expand your pocketbook.
How does one make some coin you may ask? With a proposition bet. A proposition bet, short form prop bet, is one where a person such as yourself puts some money down on an occurrence… or non-occurrence… happening during any game, but especially the Super Bowl.
There are more than 400 prop bets you can make. Heck no I am not going to go over all of them, but let’s check out a few that aren’t the typical “Will so-and-so score a touchdown in the first half” kind of prop bets.
Open Coin Toss
Heads or Tails? Odds? How dumb is that? It’s 50/50. You’ll have to shell out $102 to make a $100 and if you lose it ruins the rest of your Sunday.
Will Either Team Score on the final 3:30 of the game?
A ‘yes’ is going to cost you $190 to make $100. A ‘no’ you drop a $100 to win $160. Defenses get tired at the end of games, it’s all I am saying.
In what quarter will Chiefs Tight End Travis Kelce stiff-arm and mow over 49ers defensive back Richard Sherman?
This isn’t a bet, but it should be. I’ll take the Second Quarter.
First team whose coach uses the challenge flag?
Same odds as the Open Coin Toss which renders this bet just as stupid. Next!
Will There be a Safety?
Interesting… and expensive. To win a $100, a ‘no’ will cost you $900. There are better ways to lose $900. A high price hooker would do… assuming you get something out of it, which you better.
How many times will Chiefs coach Andy Reid tug at his mustache in the first half?
Nope, not a real bet, but I’m saying 11. Please count for me and report back. Thanks.
Will the game be tied anytime during the game after 0-0?
Either yes or no, this is a spend $110 to make $100. FYI – the 110 number is generally considered average for a sports betting facility. Also, the rest of the crazy prop bets are all set at 110, like these:
Will the Boston Celtics have more 3-point field goal attempts than Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes have completions? The Celtics chuck up more three pointers in a game (34) than the average house cat chucks up hairballs during the month. Since that is not a bet and this is, I’ll have to go with the Celtics, even though they are giving up 7.5 points. Mahomes averaged 24 completions per game, and with the 7.5 the Celtics will have to hope he sticks to 24 or less.
Will Lebron James have more points than Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes have completions? The King is playing against the Kings in an away game on Saturday BTW if that info helps you at all. Doesn’t me. This one I hand to Mahomes.
Will Patrick Mahomes be forced to call a time out in the first half because his car got broken into and he had to call his State Farm agent?
DO NOT bet on this one! First, he takes the team bus to the game. Second, it’s not a real bet.
Will the Illinois-Iowa NCAA men’s basketball game have more total points scored than the 49ers have rushing yards?
Yes that is an actual bet. What kind of a gambling addict to you have to be to bet on that garbage? I’ll put $100 on the Illini-Hawkeye tilt.
Will Ricky Fowler’s 4th round score be more than the Chiefs rushing yards, with the Chiefs having to beat his score by at least 18 yards?
Is this one super-complicated? Yes. If Ricky shoots a 69, then the Chiefs have to get at least 88 rushing yards. And what if Ricky blows up and shoots an 80? Still, take the Chiefs.
Will there be more goals scored during the Manchester City-Tottenham Premier League soccer game than the 49ers score touchdowns?
Two words? No way. If the soccer total is over 4 I’d be shocked and this Super Bowl could be 42-41 barnburner. The over-under for the game is 53.5, which means a 28-26 score is an over. Book it. It’ll go over.
Will Tomas Tatar of the Montreal Canadians get more points than Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker make field goals?
Not sure and who cares? I just love the fact that Harrison’s last name is the same name that former Illinois governor George Ryan, when introducing Mike Ditka got confused between him and Dick Butkus and said “Ladies and Gentlemen, Dick Butker!”
Will 49ers kicker Robbie Gould make more field goals than there will be Chicago Bears office personnel and coaching staff getting pulled over for DUIs next year?
OK, that’s not a real bet, but if it were, given the Bears piss-poor performance drafting players recently plus letting go of Robbie Gould right at the end of training camp like a bunch of losers? It’d be a toss-up.
Will Mike Trout of the LA Angels have more regular season home runs in the 2020 season than Patrick Mahomes has passing attempts?
Holy crap that is an eight-month long bet, and if I bet on Trout, I’d be down there stealing as many pitch signs as possible to help him get past those passing attempts. Man, I sound like the Houston Astros now. Buncha cheaters.
As stated somewhere in the beginning of this, there are more than 400 prop bets. My advice? Just play the damn squares, laugh when Jimmy the intern wins the most money, have a few beers or cocktails and enjoy the fucking game. It should be a good one.
Fancy Boys Club 
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