Oh yes. oh god, yes. I do these previews every year for one reason. To just asolutely shit on this moribound, pathetic division. Every team in this division deserves to be thrown into low orbit. Their pure existence is proof that bad things exist. It is the Nickelback of football divisions. The Guy Fieri of teams that don’t deserve the national television love they get.
Now would be a good time to remind everyone that the winner of the NFC East had a 7-9 record. Even in a division this bad, nobody in this godforsaken bracket could get fat enough of playing these terrible teams to get to a .500 record. None of them deserved to make the playoffs and at least Washington had the good sense to fuck off quietly in the first round to the eventual Super Bowl champions. But my god. The amount of trash you have to set on fire to burn the energy needed to make this epileptic syndicate of garbage teams with even bigger dirt bag ownership is almost unprecedented.
Continue reading “FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC East” →
Hey motherpuckers, we are back! The NHL All-Star game has come and gone, and each team’s odd seven-to-ten-day break is over. This is the time of the season when the NBA catches up to the NHL in terms of games played. It’s not weird, it’s just a matter of activity. Basketball has a lot of running, but the uniforms don’t carry weight. An NHL player is loaded with game armor, plus skating takes more effort than running, therefore they have more time between games. NHL season starts earlier, but the NBA always catches up.
Now that your February sports lesson is over, let’s take a look at where the NHL stands at their two-tirds mark in the season. Finally, my yard marker team, the Colorado Avalanche and you know well by now, has reached game 55, posting a magnificent shut-out 3-0 win against the Senators… then losing to the Capitals last night – FUUDDGE.. Where does that leave them in the standings? No, no, no my skate-loving friends, we check out the Eastern conference first.
Shall we take a look at who won’t make the playoffs first? Let’s do that. As predicted at the halfway point, the Detroit Red Wings are not disappointing me in their failure to do anything this season. They’re fortunate they can remember how to lace up skates, let alone play hockey. The others? We have the New Jersey Devils, who used to be the Colorado Rockies… and may as well have been the baseball Colorado Rockies the way they’re playing… and the aforementioned Ottawa Senators… who the Colorado Avalanche just shut out. To complete this trifecta of tenuous relationships between the bottom three and the Avalanche, let’s harken back to when the Dead Wings were good and the Avalanche cared enough to hate them. Sit back, have a Stroh’s or a Coors, and enjoy this clip. If the link doesn’t work, just type in ‘Patrick Roy vs Mike Vernon” and that’ll get you there. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7LZbJhi6Fo
Oh and BTW, we are going to add one more team. I believe it is time to knock on the arena door of the Buffalo Sabres and let them know the climb to get into the playoffs is too steep for them at this point so forget about it. They’ve sunk like a rock since the halfway point, going from the 8th spot down to 13th. Zoinks, Scoob! As for the rest…
Continue reading “NHL: The Two Tirds report” →
Okay, so we are 20% through the season. Yes, as of this writing there are a few stragglers who have yet to reach the 20% mark… and there are a few teams over it. That’s scheduling for you. Hockey players need well-deserved breaks between games. It’s a brutal sport on one’s body, yet of course there is majesty to watching men on ice dazzle with their skating skills but still be able to smoke an opponent into the boards for merely sneering at them.
You may recall, well I am sure you will because EVERYONE READS this well-put together report, and my hockey knowledge is nearly as good as the Bantum-level hockey kid across the street, that the 10% report went sort of like this:
Continue reading “NHL: The 20% report” →
I waited until the series was over in Washington. I could spend a whole lot of space breaking down games 3, 4, and 5, giving you reasons why the Astros rallied from two games down to not only make this a series again, but to dominate the damn thing. However, there is truly only one number you need to know… the number one. Good gravy, Nationals. Swept at home. 4-1. 8-1. 7-1. One really is the loneliest number.
The Nationals fans seriously deserve a rousing round of applause for the chorus of ‘boos’ and the showering of ‘lock him up’ toward our feckless Bloated Circus Peanut leader as he was announced prior to the first pitch of Game 5. Made me proud the team also selected renowned chef, humanitarian and Trump-basher José Andrés to throw out the first pitch (low and outside) and then a bit sad their team couldn’t take the grandstand performance and run with it. Hell, Astro fans would have probably given DOTUS a standing ovation. Don’t try to fight me on this one, it’s Texas, one of those states where the capital is pretty much on its own liberal island.
Continue reading “World Series Report, post game 5” →