Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Path To The White House

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Path To The White House

We are in a perilous time in our nation, and the upcoming November election is not going to make things any better. Between the two viable candidates, neither exactly presents hope for the next four years. What America needs right now, perhaps more than ever, is a candidate who is willing to not only disregard the partisan media, bloodythirsty lobbyists, and the greater demons of their own party and bring our country together in a spirit of compassion, compromise and unity. Neither President Biden nor former President Donald Trump come close to checking those boxes, and it’s gonna be rough living here for the considerable future.

“But Matt,” you might be saying, “you said there were only TWO viable candidates. What about this Robert Kennedy Jr. I’ve been hearing about on social media and some of my weirder friends? I’m sure you just forgot about him and now you are going to go back in real time and change your column because it’s only fair to include everyone with a realistic chance of becoming the next President of these great United States.” If this is you, I have a simple response: Shut up. You are wrong. RFK Jr. has no chance of becoming the next leader of the free world.

Well, that’s not exactly true. There is one path…

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Ren Faire Is Deliriously Stupid

They say that sometimes truth is weirder than fiction. Sometimes the truth is also dumb, brutally horny, and filled with wayyyyy too many Willie Wonka references. In the three part HBO Documentary, you get all of these things, along with a litany of other mind boggling, ostensibly true things.

The three part series follows aging pervert George, who owns the Texas Renaissance Festival. He knows exactly when he is going to die (according to him) and just wants to find love. He goes on several dates over the course of the show. Both women are 24 years old. George is 86. After the first date, the Festival owner muses that there is no point dating younger girls because they don’t read poetry and they don’t know how to bone. Then he goes on a date with another 24 year old. This, ostensibly, has nothing to do with the show. They just insisted on including it like a side quest in the show.

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Paddington In Peru: The Trailer Breakdown

Paddington In Peru: The Trailer Breakdown

Last week, we were lucky enough to get the trailer for Paddington In Peru, the third film in the PCU (Paddington Cinematic Universe). With a November 24th UK release date (January 7th for us unlucky souls in the United States), there hasn’t been a more anticipated movie ever. That is not hyperbole.

Paddington 2 is the third best sequel of all time, only behind The Godfather Part 2 and The Empire Strikes Back. As mentioned on this site, P2 usurped Citizen Kane to become the film with the highest-ever Rotten Tomatoes score of all time. With the first Paddington film, Paul King gave us an amazing and beautiful (plus very funny) story and the second film blows the first one away. To call Paddington 2 a great film would be an insult… it’s a goddamn fucking masterpiece.

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A true actor’s director: A review of Hit Man plus a ranking of Richard Linklater

A true actor’s director: A review of Hit Man plus a ranking of Richard Linklater

Of the indie directors to come out of the 1990’s, Richard Linklater might be the hardest to attach a label to. He doesn’t have Steven Soderbergh’s visual style or Quentin Tarantino’s inventive storytelling skills or even Kevin Smith’s ability to write a great scene. But, if there was any director from this class I think I would like working with if I was an actor, it would be Linklater. Because the man is a true and selfless collaborator.

In his great movies, of which there are many, the Texas filmmaker works hand in hand with his onscreen talent to create the best possible product. In many of Linklater’s films, the actor has a screenwriting credit, which shows you exactly how much he wants the input of his talent. And then there is Boyhood, in which he worked with his three principal actors over the course of a dozen years to truly show the experience of growing up.

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A Woman In-Between Eras: Examining The Tortured Poets Department

A Woman In-Between Eras: Examining The Tortured Poets Department

To open The Tortured Poets Department, her twelfth album (and fourth in five years), Taylor Swift gives us “Fortnight”. Swift and longtime producer Jack Antonoff give us a song that sonically feels in place with the catalog of Lana Del Rey (unsurprising, considering Antonoff also produces some of her music) as the thirty-four year old singer gives us the story of a woman dealing with a relationship gone way too wrong and delving into alcohol and thoughts of violence to her man’s new wife. “I loved you, it’s ruining my life,” Swift sings in a track that feels like something her and Antonoff could do in their sleep. It’s a good track, and Swiftboats (my term for Swift fans, many of whom have long since forgotten about John Kerry) will love it because it’s the kind of song they’ve heard and loved and sung along to before. It’s a very solid Taylor Swift song.

And that’s why it’s a little underwhelming.

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FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part II: The nominations predictions…

FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part II: The nominations predictions…

We have come, everyone, to my favorite thing I get to write all year. Usually, I rock about 80% for my predictions of the Oscar nominations. If that number is any higher, I am insufferable until the ceremony, where I am sure to crash when predicting the winners. If that number is any lower, I am inconsolable until the next year. So, most people hope I hit that 80% mark exactly so I’m not a pain in the ass one way or another.

This year, the locks seem to be unfuckwithable and the remainders seem to be a dogfight. Currently, voting is open so me turning in my predictions right now seems like a mistake. But mistakes is where I thrive. Also, any sort of late push now will probably not do a lot. So, let’s cross our fingers and see where the chips fall when the nominees are announced on January 23rd. Just a reminder that I only do nominations for the ten major categories (Best Picture, Best Director, the four acting and two screenwriting categories, Best Animated Feature and Best International Film).

Without further ado, I believe the nominations will be…

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FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part 1: Early Contender Power Rankings!

FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part 1: Early Contender Power Rankings!

That is correct, it is time for the Oscars, my babies! Movies are better than football and more satisfying than politics, so let’s set those things aside just for a few moments and get into the moving pictures!

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Brandon’s 100 Greatest Television Shows of All Time

Recently, Variety released their 100 greatest television shows of all time. And let me tell you…it was asssssssssssss. It was bad enough that i’ve come out of semi-retirement to write about it. If you do something so egregious as to make I Love Lucy as the greatest show of all time, you had better believe i’m going to write about it.

I’ve decided that I, and I exclusively I, am uniquely qualified to write my own list of the greatest shows of all time. What credentials do I have? Go to Hell! Those are my credentials!

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Not All Who Yondr Are Lost: Chappelle, comedy and camera phones…

Not All Who Yondr Are Lost: Chappelle, comedy and camera phones…

When something happens with Dave Chappelle, it’s a near guarantee that my Facebook feed will be littered with my comedian friends all wanting to give their thoughts. An event that happened last week got some traction, so last night, I started seeing all kind of thoughts and comments about what happened to the comedian this week. You, dear reader, are now stuck hearing my thoughts.

This is the vicious circle.

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Fargo. Is. Back. (with 200% more pierced Jon Hamm nipples!)

Fargo. Is. Back. (with 200% more pierced Jon Hamm nipples!)

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything on this site. And, for me, when I stop writing, it takes a lot to get me writing again. Something has to have a deep emotional impact in me to get me to find the motivation to start typing on the keys. Anger. Depression. Confusion. All of these things have resonated in me so strongly that I have found myself writing. Today, however, what has caused me to stir from my doldrums is pure, unadulterated joy. And what has caused that in me.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and my Non-Binary Friends, season five of Fargo is now three episodes deep. And it is fucking amazing.

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