Built The Burn Thee Silver Mt. Zion – written by Jordan Holmes

Built The Burn Thee Silver Mt. Zion – written by Jordan Holmes

I am out to hurt your feelings! I am out here intending to cause you pain! I want you to feel personally attacked by what I am saying because I am also under attack

I am under attack by a deluge of voices telling me where we are in relation to 1930s Germany and then saying, “Uh oh”. UH OH!? Motherfuckers Uh Oh? What in God’s fucking name are we doing here? 

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Slavery Is Still Legal – written by Jordan Holmes

Slavery Is Still Legal – written by Jordan Holmes

You do not sound reasonable, you sound ridiculous. What is your concept of the present where a “solution” can require decades? Do you not hear the bells of climate change? 1.5 Celsius has come and gone already. Reality says we are out of time. 

And what do you propose? The possibility of slowly pushing and pushing for modest, incremental improvement? And how, in our present, is that any more possible than rewriting the Constitution? What improvements are possible to keep in our current system? For what did decades of women fighting for abortion rights achieve? Decades of people dying to preserve abortion rights, wiped away because of a stolen supreme court judge, a judge stolen because the President backed down in the face of a stupid fucking turtle. 

Or was it wiped away because those in power, those elected by the dying, used it? Because abortion is far more useful as a tool than a right, that’s an undeniable fact. For how many elections has abortion rights been a rallying cry? Why actually legalize abortion? It was technically legal. 

But any change that can be undone is not change. Roe V. Wade wasn’t the legalization of abortion, it was nothing more than a pendulum swing. Abortion, all abortion, whatever the fuck trimester you’re in, should be legal, available, and free. To paraphrase Sian Norris in Bodies Under Siege, women will not be free until abortion is free. 

Regardless of your idea of how the next 30 years will play out if Biden wins, or Trump wins, there is a force in opposition to you that has greater strength. 

Do you believe that by electing Democrats, a group of people elected many times with varying degrees of ability to already have done the thing you want them to do, that we will be able to adapt to climate change, despite the Democrats already having the power to do so? 

Why have they not done this already? If you would prefer not to blame them for squandering whatever power they were given, then you must blame the force in opposition to them. That force is not going away. That force owns the Supreme Court. That force owns at least half of the politicians in Congress. That force owns District Attorneys in Georgia, desperately destroying the forest, a forest. During the current climate crisis. While the Democrats are in power and can stop it.

Do you think, even if you could somehow convince the Democrats to do something they don’t want to do, then convince them to do it – a task they are terrible at achieving even when they want to do it – then what? You think it will be allowed?

Until the force in opposition to your goals is no longer in your way, you will never achieve your goals

Alex Jones will not be held accountable for what he’s done to, shit, the world, despite going through the system that you hold up to me as being real. The man is not guilty of just pain, he’s guilty of any number of crimes. What is being done to stop them? Nothing. And the justice system is dragging its feet for years, because to hold him accountable would be to hold a rich person accountable. Even one so odious as him, that could potentially spiral out of control, what next, holding other rich people accountable? Imagine the thought! Imagine if the executives at Boeing were to go to fucking jail for murdering people!

That’s unreasonable. That’s impossible. But it is no more impossible than the Democrats writing abortion rights into law. There is no hierarchy of impossible; anything impossible is equally impossible. 

When potential solutions are floated – packing the courts (ha!), half-assed carbon taxes, fucking wind farms – they cannot be divorced from the inevitabilities of trying to enact them. There are individuals, with more money and power than you, who do not want these things. We are not all in this together. 

How do you propose to deal with them? Do you have a solution to remove their obstruction? Do you think the cops will use civil asset forfeiture to nationalize Boeing? Fuck it, why not! Do you believe that the system currently licking the boot of every billionaire on the globe can, despite all available evidence, change itself, when there are no real consequences for not doing so, and, in fact, massive rewards for not changing?

I’m not arguing, I’m telling

And that force has proven again and again to be willing to kill to maintain power, and knows that consequences are as unlikely as a lightning strike. 

The Civil War was fought over slavery, over labor, but it was fought by labor. The war was fought for slave owner’s benefit (like every war) and at the end, when the war was “won”, those slave owners – I mean, John Wilkes Booth of the know-nothing party, what amounted to the John Birch Society of its time – assassinated the President, Lincoln was replaced with Johnson, and they got to keep all of their stuff – sometimes including their slaves (although they didn’t call them that anymore)! 

Despite the fact that every slave owner is by definition a rapist, a murderer, and an actual monster. Those slave owners never faced consequences for their actions. Now here we are. Those people have come and gone, but their money has stayed in America, always for the cause of the slave owners. 

Until that money is gone, until the money is taken from them and given to the slaves, it will be in opposition to you, it will be stronger than you, and it will win. 

I don’t know who the executives at Boeing are and I don’t care, it is money that they abuse. If they do not have money, they cannot abuse it. If you replace that executive with another, and pay them the same, they will abuse that money. That is how money works. We know it from all of those sayings about how that is how many works. 

Whatever solution you may present, whatever reasonable ideas you have, as opposed to my insane nonsense, they are not possible until the slave owner’s money is no longer in our way. What is your solution? 

In the current system, we could just take it, you know. That’s legal. What Billionaire hasn’t committed a crime? 

Fuck me, in this system, guess what… if we sent those billionaires to prison… it’s legal to make them slaves!


Jordan Holmes is an author and podcaster. You can listen to him two times a week on the Knowledge Fight podcast, and read his book and other musings here. This essay was reprinted from his site by request of the author.

Han Shan – written by Jordan Holmes

Han Shan – written by Jordan Holmes

I realize that this will be a difficult concept to understand, it is foreign, but I am intractable. I am uninterested in whatever you have found in these that you don’t like. It is what it is. We are at an impasse. 

You may call me names, you may find me disgusting, you may find my nature annoying or brash or hypocritical; whatever you may desire I give to you as your personal genie. But I will not change my mind. I will not alter my course. I will not take steps I don’t want to take. 

You may blame me! Blame me!  I accept! I am at fault for Biden’s loss! And I raise you, we are at fault for Biden’s loss! How about that? Whatever blame you may cast upon me, you owe yourself as well! Except when I take that blame, I will take it knowing I tried it your way first, you failed, and I gave you the option to change. I accept full responsibility for my actions. 

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Bop it! Twist it! Steal it! – written by Jordan Holmes

Bop it! Twist it! Steal it! – written by Jordan Holmes

A boundary is not a boundary if you can cross it. A principle is not a principle if it can be tossed aside. Once argument reaches the boundary, argument is over and conflict begins. We are in opposition. There is no argument to be had. If you disagree with my principles, you are wrong, incorrect, someone to be ignored and not listened to.

That is the definition of a principle.

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Were You Lying? – written by Jordan Holmes

Were You Lying? – written by Jordan Holmes

I’ve been struggling deeply for the past week, I’ve been struggling with the same feeling I had during Alex Jones’ trial in Texas. I am bipolar, I am prone to mania, I’m prone to delusions of grandeur, so, in general, any time I think I can see something that the rest of the world cannot, I assume I am in the wrong. 

Sometimes, I am suspicious that the rest of the world can, in fact, see what I see, and they are gaslighting me. I’m sure I’m right sometimes. But seeing the world through that lens will make you crazy, so no matter what the circumstances, it’s wiser to let it go.

But now, as in the trial, I know the rest of the world sees what I see and I know that the world is gaslighting me. 

What’s more, what’s worse for my psyche, is that I know that when I talk to the TV, so to speak, the TV can hear me. I am fucking loud. I am not insane. I am not manic. I am not delusional. 

All of you are out of your fucking minds.

Democracy is on the ballot

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The Swiftening, Part 11: The Tortured Poets Department- The Uncomfortable Writers Depot

The Swiftening, Part 11: The Tortured Poets Department- The Uncomfortable Writers Depot

Before December of 2020, Jordan Holmes (comedian, author, podcaster) had never, intentionally, listened to a Taylor Swift song. Then began The Swiftening, where Jordan decided to review every Swift album in order. So far, he has covered Swift’s 2006 debut, 2008’s Fearless, 2010’s Speak Now, and 2012‘s Red, 2014’s 1989, 2017’s reputation, 2019’s Lover, and 2020’s folklore and evermore, which we encourage you to check out if you haven’t already.


Back again, as we all knew I would be, the allure of hating cannot be denied. I rarely finish what I begin, and I doubt I will follow her career, alleging talentless desperation after every release, but today, today is… today and I hate. 

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Fancy Boys March Music Madness 2023 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Fancy Boys March Music Madness 2023 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

What started at 64 songs from four writers talking about the songs that got them through early high school has now come down to two songs. With the Grace (2001-2003) and Drummond (2006-2008) Regions eliminated, it all comes down to this: the #3 seed from the Drufke (1993-1995) Region and the underdog #14 seed from the Andreasen (1998-2000) Region. A reminder you can also vote on our facebook and twitter. Let’s get to it.


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Fancy Boys Club March Music Madness 2023: FINAL FOUR, PART 2 (Andreasen Region v Grace Region)

Fancy Boys Club March Music Madness 2023: FINAL FOUR, PART 2 (Andreasen Region v Grace Region)

Four Fancy Boys Club writers- Matt Drufke, Brandon Andreasen, Michael Grace and Jake Drummond- each chose 16 songs from their first two years of high school that had a profound impact on them. From there, the March Music Madness bracket was born.

We wrap this week with the Final Four Monday and Tuesday and the Championship Match on Wednesday. You can vote at our Facebook or our Twitter or at the polls at the bottom of this page.

We wish the best of luck to all the challengers.

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Fancy Boys March Music Madness, Round 5: FINAL FOUR, PART 1 (Drufke Region v Drummond Region)

Fancy Boys March Music Madness, Round 5: FINAL FOUR, PART 1 (Drufke Region v Drummond Region)

Four Fancy Boys Club writers- Matt Drufke, Brandon Andreasen, Michael Grace and Jake Drummond- each chose 16 songs from their first two years of high school that had a profound impact on them. From there, the March Music Madness bracket was born.

We wrap this week with the Final Four Monday and Tuesday and the Championship Match on Wednesday. You can vote at our Facebook or our Twitter or at the polls at the bottom of this page.

We wish the best of luck to all the challengers.

Continue reading “Fancy Boys March Music Madness, Round 5: FINAL FOUR, PART 1 (Drufke Region v Drummond Region)”