Are you watching tonight’s presidential debate?
Really? You are?
Why?
The debate, taking place in Philadelphia, really has no real chance to change the election. I cannot possibly envision that there is a voter out there right now who doesn’t know who they plan on voting for in November. And I also cannot imagine that any of those voters could have their minds changed by anything that either Donald Trump or Kamala Harris will say. I suppose there might be a chance that one of the candidates performs so poorly that it would lead a supporter to stay home on election day (or not early or mail-in vote, despite the fact the GOP doesn’t want that to exist), but that would have to be such a blunder and I don’t see that being a huge chance.
So, with nothing on the line, I’m gonna throw out some free advice to Kamala Harris. You’re not going to change any minds tonight. So, you can at least have a little fun and be a total asshole.
At 78, Donald Trump is officially the oldest candidate ever to receive the nomination of one of the two major parties in the history of America. Granted, that title would have gone to Joe Biden had he not dropped out this summer, but because that didn’t happen, there is no longer Donald Trump; there is now Don-OLD Trump.
My suggestion to Harris: Make that the whole ballgame tonight.
I’m not saying don’t get your policies across and I’m not saying to be mean about it. But every chance you can get to bring up what a feeble old sack of shit Trump is, you do it. But be creative about it. Constantly ask if you’re speaking loud enough for him to hear you. Repeatedly ask if needs a break or wants to sit and have a little glass of water. Offer him a Werther’s Original. Ask if he brought a nurse to check in on him.
It’s also a wonderful way to use it while you’re getting your message across. If you are talking about the differences in your economic philosophies, say something like, “Look, these ideas may have seemed good when you were my age, but as time has gone on, those have been shown to be ineffective.” If you’re attacking his personal history of racism and sexism, pull out something like, “You were raised in a different time when women and people of color were treated differently. It’s time to step into the present.” Hell, every now and then, just call one of his responses “spry”.
The typical Democratic attacks on Trump, despite their accuracy, have kind of gotten stale. Sadly, the American public gets that he is a racist and rapist who tried to get his supporters to overthrow the government because he was butt-hurt he lost the 2020 election (and the popular vote twice in a row). It’s kind of just become a thing. But I think the second or third time he gets called old or senile and realizes that is what the entire night is going to be about, he’s going to fucking lose it.
And that’s the only thing that might make the debate watchable.
Fancy Boys Club 