Sports – Fancy Boys Club

The Most Random Cubs All Stars of All Time

January 27, 2026January 26, 2026by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Fancy Boys Club founder Brandon Andeasen is slowly losing his mind as the ice cold of the Midwest stagnates. With the Bears season over, he is leaning into one of his favorite obsessions: random sports facts. Until morale improves, he will be posting stories about random sporting events, sports stadium architecture, and the stars that play on the field. Today, he looks at the most random Chicago Cubs to make the annual MLB All Star Game.

It started this morning. I woke up and saw that Chicago Bears cornerback Nashone Wright had made the Pro Bowl (this was somehow only the second most ridiculous Pro Bowl addition on this day, thanks to Shedeur Sanders) and I thought to myself “well, that has to be one of the most random all star selections in Bears history…” and then I had a second thought, “wait, that’s not the most ridiculous honor in Chicago history, though. There was that one guy. He played first base in the early 2010’s. The hell was his name? Micah Hoffpauir! Wait. No. That can’t be right. Who the hell am I thinking of…”

Instead of letting that thought go like a normal person would, I proceeded to start google spamming references that would help me figure it out. I happened upon Baseball Reference, and found my answer: Bryan LaHair!

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NFL, Sports

NFL Championship Round Mailbag

January 23, 2026January 22, 2026by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Matt: Well, it is fare thee well for the Chicago Bears, who lost to the Rams this week. I feel the thought of this team back when the season started was that they were going to be a better team than last year, but not THIS good. Caleb Williams took strides as a quarterback and the Bears defense always seemed to be good enough to keep them in games. What do the Bears need to do in the offseason to take the step to title contender? Or are they already there?

Brandon: It’s hard to believe that any team is a title contender from one year to another. The Eagles won last year, brought back most of their team, and got bounced in the first round of the playoffs. The Chiefs run gave an outsized image of what a perennial contender can look like, but the fact of the matter is, there is less certainty in football than any other sport. Every year, nearly half of the playoff teams will not return the next season.

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NFL, Sports

Fancy Boys Club NFL Mailbag 1/15/2026

January 15, 2026by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

In honor of the the NFL playoffs, Brandon and Matt have taken time out of their various erotic fan fiction ventures to talk a little football.

Matt: I feel like we need to start in the city we both live closest to and talk about the Chicago Bears. All but left for dead, the Bears pulled off a comeback to beat Green Bay this weekend. This seems to be a team that plays its best when down in the second half. Why is that? And what do the Bears need to do in order to be winning for the whole game?

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NFL, Sports

Fancy Boys Club Presents This Week In Football: Week Three

September 18, 2025September 17, 2025by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Every week during the NFL season, FBC co-founder Brandon Andreasen takes a look at the NFL and makes fun of a bunch of teams and players and bets to make him feel better about the fact that he roots for the Chicago Bears and is such a degenerate gambler, he is probably betting on Korean Table Tennis at this very moment.

The Pregame Show

I’ve officially outgrown my ability to play in a dozen fantasy football leagues every season. Not outgrown as in size, though i’m quite rotund. Just outgrown in terms of life responsibilities. This actually goes for my gambling prowess, as well. I remember last year I was so hot betting on football, I felt like i’d been shot out of a cannon. I hit some massive early season bets that carried me throughout the season. This year, though? I feel like a fat toddler hopelessly throwing ping pong balls at gold fish bowls at some third rate carnival that smells like Burning Man.

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NFL, Sports

Fancy Boys Club Presents This Week In Football: Week One

September 4, 2025September 4, 2025by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

The Pregame Show

Welcome back to the NFL season, my friends! The long, hot summer is over, giving way to the crackling winds and your most obnoxious friends on social media who claim that summer sucks and that we should all be enjoying fall, or as I call it, practice winter. While they are mostly just saying it because they want to be able to justify wearing hoodies everywhere, I’m excited because football season is back, which drags me out of my yearly writing funk so I can be pithy and mean about everyone’s favorite vehicle for Kansas City Chiefs hatred.

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Reality TV, Sports, television, Wrestling

Hulk Hogan: 1953-2025

July 24, 2025July 24, 2025by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Ask any non-wrestling fan to name a wrestler. They might say The Rock. They could say John Cena or Randy Savage. If they are particularly big fans of the cinematic classic Roadhouse, they might even say Terry Funk.

Odds are, though, the first name they utter will be the driving force behind moving wrestling from a niche hobby to a worldwide phenomenon. The name they say will be synonymous with vitamins, America, and later on in life, reality TV, racism, and easy to fact check lies.

That is because, when you ask people about wrestling, the most likely person they know is Hulk Hogan.

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NFL, Sports

Fancy Boys Club NFL Mock Draft 2.0

April 24, 2025April 24, 2025by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Congrats, my football loving friends. We have finally hit the end of the football season. The churn of the 2024 NFL season, playoffs, Super Bowl, free agency and now NFL draft are over. After this weekend, we can take a collective break and catch up with friends and family, or much more likely, gamble on playoff basketball and baseball. AND, if you are as big of a degenerate as me, gamble on Korean ping pong at 3am.

For now though, all focus brings us to Green Bay, where the NFL will be taking place on Thursday (first round), Friday (second and third round), and Saturday (rounds 4-7).

This year’s draft class is considered one of the worst in recent memory, at least in terms of projections towards the future. The first few picks seem pretty well solidified, and there is not a generational quarterback in the draft that would get people excited, or teams willing to mortgage years worth of draft picks to get a transcendent star. What the draft lacks in star power though, it makes up for in sheer “someone is going to do something really stupid” excitement.

As we stand right now, this is the latest the draft has gone without a first round pick being traded. I’m predicting this doesn’t last. The Giants are trying to trade out of their pick so they can justify drafting a quarterback a little later. The Jaguars have always been a team that comes from left field with their picks. The Raiders always find a way to screw it up.

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Fancy Boys Club Drafts, NFL, Sports

Fancy Boys Club NFL Mock Draft Version 1.0

March 4, 2025March 3, 2025by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

There is no offseason in the NFL. There is PLENTY of offseason for me. The last time I wrote, Bill Belichick was still pretending that he was an NFL coaching candidate, the Chiefs felt inevitable, and people merely assumed Myles Garrett wanted out of Cleveland. But there is no offseason for the NFL. Before the hangover of the Philadelphia Eagles’ Super Bowl win had fully cleared, teams were assembling last weekend in Indianapolis for the NFL Draft Combine, where all of the best college players (except the ones who are too good to do drills) came to get judged based on their ability to jump, run in a straight line, and pretend that they want to be drafted by the New York Giants.

In an effort to be more like every other sports website, I’ve taken on the task of entering the 1,702,344th 2025 NFL Mock Draft into the universe. The difference between this and so many others you will read? This one is totally serious. I’ll be including projected trades, and will definitely take team competence into mind when making these picks. So without further adieu, let’s slap this donkey.

1st Pick: Shedeur Sanders, QB, New York Giants

The Giants trade with the Titans to get to the top of the draft to draft the best quarterback in the draft, then proceed to draft the second best quarterback in the draft. In order to do so, the Giants trade the number three pick this year, their first round pick next year, and John Mara offers up either one of his granddaughters, actresses Rooney and Kate Mara to dead Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams, in some afterlife version of the movie Indecent Proposal.

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NFL, Sports

Who Will Be The Next Chicago Bears Coach?

December 7, 2024December 6, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

~~After another disappointing season in 2023, the Chicago Bears have fired head coach Matt Eberflus.~~

After disasterous play calling at the end of the Washington Commanders game, the Bears have fired Matt Eberflus in an unprecedented move, with the team still at 4-3 and very much in contention in the NFC.

~~After a second no-show act by his team in an unquestionably embarrassing loss to the New England Patriots, the Bears have relieved Matt Eberflus of his duties as head coach.~~

~~Bad end of game play calling and an opposing special teams purportedly knowing exactly what needed to be done to block a kick has finally undone Matt Eberflus as Bears coach.~~

Oh, now you are gonna do it? All it took was an open rebellion by the defense after one of the most obvious and mystifying time management mistakes in NFL history, that of which’s history books have already been rewritten at least twice this season by the very same coach has caused Matt Eberflus to get fired so he can spend more time with his bees?

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Comedy, NFL, Sports, television

Between The (Cringy) Gutter and the Stars: An Instant Reaction to the Tom Brady Roast

May 6, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Years ago, on a tribute to late comedian Greg Giraldo, Bob Saget spoke on how he felt when Giraldo was eviscerating him on stage. He talked about how he slunk into his chair, his shoulders sagging as Giraldo kept lobbing grenades over and over at him. I thought of Saget talking about this as I watched the life leave Tom Brady’s body during his Netflix roast on Sunday night.

Watching all the way through, you genuinely get the idea Brady thought the entire show was going to be him bro’ing it up with his football friends. He wasn’t ready for Jeff Ross to go after Robert Kraft and his massage parlor antics, which, judging by the rest of the sets, was on a very strict “DON’T TALK ABOUT THIS THING” list. He wasn’t ready for Nikki Glaser to pick up the crown that Giraldo left when he died as “best roast comic alive.” Lord knows he wasn’t ready for Tony Hinchcliffe.

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