Author: Brandon Andreasen

Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts fancyboysclub.com footballabsurdity.com
Sports

Brandon’s 2021 Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

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Brandon’s 2021 Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

On Monday, we discussed all of the things I got right and wrong last year. On the whole, I definitely could have done worse. That is mostly because I simply refused to reread every word I wrote in the leadup to the draft. My writing is tiring to both write and read. I just glanced over the bigger points, and the points I specifically remember (KMEEEEEEEEET!)

I realize, though, that it would just be easier to dump all of my hot takes into one place. So here we go! Here are the things I think about the 2021 NFL Draft!

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Sports

Brandon’s Annual Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

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Brandon’s Annual Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

Every year, I throw myself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to give my opinion on the NFL draft. There is obviously no way to be 100 percent accurate with your predictions, but sometimes I am egregiously bad! Sometimes I’m right, but people aren’t interested in that so much. As is a yearly tradition, i’m going to go over the stuff I got wrong last year, with the occasional sprinkling of stuff I got right. Actually, screw you guys! I’m leading off with what I got right. Don’t like it, go start your own website you human merkin!

What I got right: The Bears were dumb to draft Cole Kmet.

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Sports, television, Wrestling

The Death of WCW Turns 20

by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment on The Death of WCW Turns 20
The Death of WCW Turns 20

It wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. It seemed like an institution, but in the grand scheme of the wrestling industry, it was more of a comet that shone brightly through the night sky of the industry, and flamed out just as spectacularly, imploding into itself like a neutron star. They filled some of the biggest venues in the country. Every week, millions of wrestling obsessed fans watched them. They even wrestled in North Korea.

And then it all ended, at spring break in front of drunken revelors in Daytona Beach of all places.

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Uncategorized

Jessica Walter 1941-2021

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Jessica Walter 1941-2021

It felt like a gut punch. It felt like so many things that I love had died at once. It felt like losing a sharp, foul mouthed family member. It came in a tweet. Things like this always do in this day and age. Jessica Walter, an integral part of my comedy enjoyment over the past two decades had passed away today at the age of 80.

Walter’s career spanned seven decades. Her TV career predates steaming. It predates cable. It even predates the proliferation of color television. Walter starred in memorable television shows over the decades such as FBI, Mannix, Love American Style, The Love Boat, Trapper John MD, and Murder, She Wrote. She won an Emmy in the 1970’s for her role in the show Amy Prentiss.

She was even the mom on Dinosaurs!

But more importantly, she was Mallory Archer.

And EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY than that, she was Lucille Bluth.

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Sports

Does The Slipper Fit? How the Bears Can Get Russell Wilson

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Does The Slipper Fit? How the Bears Can Get Russell Wilson

With the way the internet has been losing it’s mind over the NFL hot stove season for the past few seasons, you could be forgiven if I didn’t jump feet first into the rumors of Russell Wilson wanting to be traded this morning. The Athletic wrote an amazing piece about the growing rift between Russell Wilson and the powers that be in Seattle that came out today. What the article didn’t do was make it abundantly clear that Wilson wanted out of the Seahawks organization. The two notable people discussing him wanting to be traded were Brandon Marshall, who played all of seven games in Seattle at the end of his career, and noted rumor-maker-upper Jason La Confora. The CBS Sports “Insider” is notable mostly for being wrong.

Then Adam Schefter, someone worth paying attention to, dropped a bomb on all of us this afternoon.

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Sports

Carson Wentz Becomes a Colt As the Bears Stare Into the Abyss

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Carson Wentz Becomes a Colt As the Bears Stare Into the Abyss

Football rumor mongering is big business. It draws eyes to the twitter accounts of access merchants desperate to be the first person to break a story. It brings clicks to websites that are all too willing to write anything and post it online for the sake of views. It also acts as a tool of misinformation from professional teams, all too happy to use the blue check marked retweet whores to push out rumors for their own gain.

To whit, after multiple weeks of vague insinuations and loose accompaniment, Carson Wentz was traded to the Indianapolis Colts for a 3rd round pick this year, and a 2nd round pick next year which can be upgraded to a first. This after multiple reports over the past week that the Colts were not really interested. This after multiple reports over the past week that the Bears were the front runner. This after multiple reports over the past week that there were no real suitors for Wentz. This after multiple reports over the past week that the Eagles wanted multiple first round picks for their quarterback. This after multiple reports blah blah blah blah blah.

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Sports

The Padres Got Smart, and Fernando Tatis Jr. Got Paid

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The Padres Got Smart, and Fernando Tatis Jr. Got Paid

Sports contracts and sports car prices. They are the two biggest sticker shock things in the world for white men. Not all white men, of course. But the ones that run to social media to furrow their brows and wave their fist in the air are all assuredly foaming at the mouth with indignation at the fact that the San Diego Padres and their neophyte turned supernova shortstop Fernando Tatis Jr. came to an agreement on a 14 year, 340 million dollar contract that will pay Tatis to stay in San Diego until after his age 35 season, at an annual rate of 24.3 million dollars.

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Sports

The Few Things I Got Right, and The Ton of Stuff I Got Wrong in the NFL in 2020

by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment on The Few Things I Got Right, and The Ton of Stuff I Got Wrong in the NFL in 2020
The Few Things I Got Right, and The Ton of Stuff I Got Wrong in the NFL in 2020

I am wrong. A lot. My gambling account this season is a reminder of how wrong I can be. I occasionally get things right, as well. But, oh man, I’m wrong all the time when it comes to sports. When you drone about nothing as much as I do, i’ts bound to happen. With the football season ending a couple nights ago, I was left with the sadness that, not only did I no longer have a reason to get spectacularly drunk on Sundays, but that I had to come to terms with what was probably my worst season in terms of prognosticating and gambling.

Part of it was the fact that i’ve spent the better part of six months with a broken brain. Full stop, not looking for sympathy. I have been able to function as a human being, albeit with medication and therapy. It is hard to focus on football when you spend every waking moment of your life thinking that your entire world is crumbling around you.

The other part of it is that I just can’t throw myself into football like I used to. As Blink 182 opined two decades ago, “I guess this is growing up.”

Life just takes up too much time. Family, friends, a society imploding into itself like a neutron star. Oh, and the whole Covid thing. I got Covid pretty bad midway through the season. 2020 was a shitty year for damn near everyone. I was no exception. So it’s time for me to take some L’s and talk about the few things I got right, and all the stuff I got wrong about the 2020 NFL season.

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Uncategorized

WWE Is Out of the Wrestling Game

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Wrestling is fake. Everyone knows it. Whether you are a fan or not, you know that what you are watching is meant to be pre-scripted entertainment. Wrestling has been predetermined for over a century, dating back it’s it’s time on circus sideshows to entertain rubes. But the presentation of legitimate sport existed long beyond that, into the golden days of television, all the way through the rise of Hulk Hogan in the mid 80’s. All of that changed in 1989. Vince McMahon, long known as the king of the squared circle, the man who helmed a regional wrestling company from his father and turned it into the apex of the sport, is the one who killed it.

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