Hey there. It’s me, Matt Drufke. I’m a writer. I’m a comedian and producer. I’m a husband. I’m a warehouse worker. Most importantly, I’m the father of two amazing and perfect boys, the youngest of whom is a nonverbal child on the spectrum. I know if you’re reading that, it probably sounds a little scary.
Guess what? You’re right!
Let’s get this out of the way about my youngest son: He is absolutely incredible. He is smart and empathetic. He loves animals and wants to be an astronaut. And my wife and I adore every fiber of his being and look forward to seeing the boy (then man) he will become. He is a silly and sweet and mischievous young lad. He, also, has autism. That is who he is. That is who I love.
Maybe you have a friend like me. You probably do. Here are three quick things you probably know… but it doesn’t hurt to say out loud:
1. We still love you but we are just SO tired.
Nothing about having a child changes the love we have for our friends. For me, I cannot think about my wife without thinking about our friend who set us up. You are still a valued and important part of our life. But, obviously, things are different. There are a hundred new stresses and worries that pop up all the time, and we are so fucking tired. I could fall asleep right now.
That means we may not hang out as much. I may forget to text you back. It may be weeks before I remember to look at my fantasy football lineup, but that was how I was before kids so that’s really not that much of an excuse. None of that changes how much we love you or need you.
2. We will talk about our kids nonstop but also want to talk about other things.
Yeah, we’re parents. We have stories and pictures and videos of our kids doing the darnedest things! Look at my phone at all the pictures I have. No, seriously. LOOK AT THE PICTURES. Of course we want to talk about our kids. We also want to tell you about all the challenges. It is so easy being a special needs parent to feel alone and isolated because there feels like there is this stigma that we shouldn’t talk about how hard it is. And guess what, gang? It’s fucking hard. And stressful and emotional. And the victories are also weird and different from other parents, so it’s sometimes hard to express those the way other moms and dads can. But we want you to ask about our kids and what is going on. I promise you that we do.
But, we also want to talk about the other stuff. Workplace gossip. Opinions on sports teams. Inside jokes. Your horrible (or wonderful) dating life. We want pet pictures and silly memes and all the stuff we loved before we had kids. That stuff still means a lot to us. So share. We may not always reply back, but it means the world.
3. We may not be able to meet up as much but we would love to have you over but we also may cancel and that is just going to have to be ok.
This one, admittedly, is tricky.
Going out to hang out is just harder. Sitters are expensive and to find one we’re comfortable with is hard. Plus, it’s the aforementioned thing about being always fucking tired. Seriously, can I go to sleep right now?
However, the invite always means a lot. Even if you are positive we’ll say know, it’s nice to know you’re thinking of us. Also, we may not be able to go out, but we would love for you to come over. That works so much better because we have built and cultivated a place our child is comfortable and safe. Not only that, but it’s our kid’s home turf. All his shit is there and he’s going to want to show off for you and we will love that.
Of course, we may have stuff come up. Or we may be tired and ask for a rain check. We’re sorry and that sucks but you’re just gonna have to be ok with that. Give us a little leeway. We still love you. And we want you in our lives.
Our new, magnificent, terrifying, wonderful lives.
Fancy Boys Club 