Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.
Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.
We’ve talked about them a little, but let’s focus on the San Francisco 49ers, one of only two teams still undefeated after week 6. They’re only a half game ahead of the Seahawks, but they’re doing it with some pretty unremarkable names. Guys like Jimmy Garoppolo, Matt Breida, and George Kittle aren’t bums, but you’re not seeing them on a Madden cover anytime soon. Is this team overperforming, or are they a legitimate NFC contender?
Jack – Umm George Kittle is one of the best players in football. He had 1,300 yards and 5 TDs last season catching passes from some guy named Nick Mullens. He might not end up on the cover of Madden—because he’s a tight end that’s not named Gronk—but he’s a monster.
The 49ers are coached by the best offensive mind in football and their defensive line is absolutely terrifying. They’re a legit Super Bowl contender regardless of how well you know their players.
Brandon – This team is good, there is no doubt about that. [Spoiler Alert!] They are going to be second in my power rankings that come out tomorrow. In the end though, how good the team is will depend on how good Jimmy Garoppolo is.
He is completing nearly 70 percent of his passes right now, and is only getting sacked once per game.
That said, he’s only thrown 7 touchdowns on the season and has five interceptions. You can get away with these numbers for awhile when your running game is good, but this isn’t going to be sustainable as the season goes on. He needs to cut down on the interceptions, and needs to find a way to throw his receivers open.
Let’s focus on the other unbeaten team, the Patriots. I don’t talk about why they’re winning; that seems obvious. Here’s the question I want to pose: what is the strategy on how to beat them? Or should we just give them the Lombardi trophy now?
Jack – As long as Bill Belichick is around, the Patriots will be good and contending for Super Bowls. But it’s impossible to know anything about them as a team yet, because they’ve played what amounts to a big pile of garbage. They’ve beaten: the Steelers without Roethlisberger, the Jets without Sam Darnold, the worst team of all time, the Bills (in a game they would have lost if the Bills had any semblance of an offense), and the Giants, who despite ESPN’s hard-on for Daniel Jones, are trash. Let’s wait to see what happens when they play a real football team.
Brandon – The Patriots offensive line is hot garbage. That’s how the Bills nearly beat them, even though they played offense like they’d never seen a football before. For most of Tom Brady’s run, he has been able to function because Bill Belichick and the Patriots put a big offensive line in front of him that helps him stay upright.
This year, though, he is getting put on his ass. Even bad teams are getting their shots at him. He is being sacked at a rate of only two times per game, but that also has to do with the schedule they have played. The Patriots should be embarrassed to call themselves the best team in football because of their schedule. Wouldn’t you know it, too, they have the Jets and Browns in their next two. They have two games in the next six that could pose trouble. The Ravens, who can keep up on offense, and the Texans, who have the weapons on defense to really hurt Brady.
Man, the NFC East blows. You’ve got two 3-3 teams fighting for first place, and the team only a game behind them has a starting QB whose QBR is a POS (like what I did there?). Here’s how bad this division is: the Redskins are still a legitimate contender to win the East, and they’ve won one game. Who is the best team in the NFC East, and is there any chance they’ll go far in the playoffs?
Jack – The Eagles are the best team in the NFC East. They’re dealing with a lot of injuries now, but I would be shocked if they don’t eventually come out on top in the division. The Cowboys are overrated based on a couple of big early wins against bad football teams. Also, Dak Prescott is exceedingly average at QB. The Giants aren’t good and it’s a shame Saquon Barkley is hurt because he might be the most exciting player in football when healthy. Washington needed a blown 2-pt conversion to beat the worst team in NFL history. The Eagles could go far in the playoffs but probably won’t after Carson Wentz suffers yet another serious injury.
Brandon – The Cowboys are frauds and I’m happy they have been exposed, at this point. Football isn’t as much fun when Dallas fans are on their soap boxes about how good their team is. I have a 150-1 bet on the Giants winning the Super Bowl, so I have financial reasons to be hoping for that. I hope Dan Snyder, Washington’s owner, gets impaled by a rusty cock.
That just leaves the Eagles, who I guess are the best team? In reality, this division wasn’t that good to begin with, and they were inflated by the fact that the national football media treat the NFC East like a gloryhole they are eagerly willing to put their mouths onto. I said before the season that the winner of this division was probably going to go 9-7, and I have no reason to believe any differently. It’s a real shame an NFC West team can’t have their spot, instead.
Still two teams with zero wins, the Dolphins and the Bengals. If you were able to create a team using any players from either of those rosters, what would that team look like? And would they be any good?
Jack – The Cincinami Benphins would look a lot like the Cleveland Browns, a team with some talented skill players but absolutely nothing on the offensive line. When healthy, AJ Green is still one of the best receivers in football. Tyler Eifert is a playmaker at Tight End who’s also had some major trouble staying off the injured list. Joe Mixon and Kenyan Drake would be a fun pair in the backfield. Andy Dalton has actually been pretty good when on good teams in the past. On defense, Geno Atkins, Reshad Jones and Xavien Howard would be solid building blocks, but that’s where it ends. After the Laremy Tunsil trade, the Benphins would have nothing on the offensive line and would certainly lose a lot of games because of it.
Brandon – The Miaminnati Dolphgals (I’m going Dolphgals because that sounds like the name of groupies that tirelessly followed around Dolph Lundgren in the 80’s) would go 4-12, and probably still be the second or third best team in either of the East divisions. I take offense to Jack saying Mixon and Drake would be a fun pair in the backfield. There is nothing remotely exciting about either of those guys averaging three yards per carry. Also, Tyler Eifert hasn’t been a good football player in four years. He hasn’t averaged four receptions in a game since 2015, and that’s before you take into account that he is made of balsa wood and toothpaste.
If you put both teams together, you essentially get a slightly more talented, but infinitely more boring version of the Tennessee Titans, a team who I’ve advocated kicking out of the league for “lack of entertainment” purposes.