When the pandemic started in 2020, part of my escapism from the dread of the moment was going back and rewatching the entirety of the old Muppet Show. And it felt good, letting the nostalgia wash over me, but also it made me sad. As I continued watching more Muppet content, the movies, then the later TV shows, I felt like something got lost along the way, and it was the earnestness with which the Muppets and even the humans around them behaved. Even in moments of commentary or weirdo subversion, there was a genuineness that I felt fell away a bit. Recent years felt like there was more snark, more bite, more irony, even in how we as viewers engage with the Muppets. I was pleasantly surprised by the Electric Mayhem focused show with Lilly Singh and Tahj Mowry from a few years back, that felt like a love letter to music through the heartfelt lens of the Muppets. And it gave me hope that perhaps more Muppets could be coming. Then news came that a certain Warner Bros owned streaming service might be looking to off-load Sesame Street, and I didn’t just have hope, I had an idea, a movie pitch for how to reunite the Muppets and the folks of Sesame Street for the first time since the early 2000s.
I guess in order for this to happen Disney would have to buy the rights to Sesame Street to have them under the same umbrella as the Muppets. I’m not here to discuss the pros and cons of monopolistic IP hoarding and such. I’m here to talk about Muppets. So…
Our movie opens on Ryan Gosling as “Ryan Gosling” walking down a city street. It’s sunny out, cheerful even, upbeat music plays over the scene as he passes by a shop that has a bunch of TVs in the front window. The camera lingers behind just long enough to see Fozzie hosting a Fallon-esque late night show. That clip then pulls back to an over the shoulder graphic and reveals The Newsman continuing the broadcast (because it’s daytime, so obviously a late night show wouldn’t be live, that wouldn’t make any sense and one must think about such things when making a movie).
When we cut back to Gosling he’s now walking directly toward camera with the camera keeping pace, we’re close in on him, but as the camera picks up pace it pulls away from him and reveals more of the background. Suddenly the street isn’t just any street- it’s Sesame Street! The upbeat music we’ve been hearing reveals itself to be the Sesame Street theme song and we get a big musical intro as Gosling walks through the neighborhood greeting all the residents (think Belle’s intro in Beauty and the Beast, only Ryan Gosling’s not being a shit to everyone).
The song ends and folks settle back to their regular locations (admittedly I’m a bit behind on my Sesame Street lore, so I may breeze through this bit and leave it to be fleshed out by someone later)
Gosling settles into convo with some regulars (Elmo, Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, Oscar, anyone I don’t know about because I’m old and childless and therefore deeply out of touch).
They tell him that the folks who own the actual property that much of the neighborhood resides upon (they think it’s some guy named Max probably, wink wink, nudge nudge), has decided to sell the property and unless the residents can pull together the money to buy up the stores and apartments and such they run the risk of losing it all to whoever does. Gosling and Big Bird decide to call up some old friends.
Cut to Kermit’s phone ringing. We see him typing away at a desk, a bookshelf behind him displays a number of books he’s written (a few with titles about how easy it is, or is not, being green), as well as pictures of him and the Muppet gang, and by his computer a picture of him and Miss Piggy. He answers the phone and as the Sesame Street gang catch him up on what’s happening there, we hear Miss Piggy come in the door. She enters the room decked head to toe in Miss Piggy branded gear, she carries a branded tote and fancy water bottle, she is clearly “a brand”.
Now the plot is underway as it’s decided that to save Sesame Street, the Muppet Theatre, which is on Sesame Street but has been just off camera this whole time and is currently closed for business, will be revived to put on a big show, raise funds, and save the street (think the Blues Brothers saving the orphanage, or the end of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo).
Kermit and Piggy who are a happily married, if tempestuous, couple (seriously, stop trying to make them divorced and shit, no one wants that. Kermit is a total “wife guy” and everyone knows it) are now off to gather the Muppets.
We’ve seen Fozzie, Skeeter is his show’s production manager. We find Gonzo and Camilla as podcasters and comedic performance artists.
Rowlf is composing film scores (Trent Reznor cameo?)
The Electric Mayhem are still a hard scrabble touring band.
Swedish Chef, Rizzo, and Pepe are working in a restaurant (cast of The Bear cameo?)
Dr Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker do livestream science videos. You get the idea.
As this roadtrip of gathering Muppets and sympathetic humans is happening, we cut back to Sesame Street where the residents and Ryan Gosling and maybe some other celebrity cameos work to get the theatre ready and hone a few acts themselves for the big opening night.
Sam Eagle is revealed to be the representative of the property owner and while he spends most of the runtime hassling the folks on Sesame Street as they prepare, after the big performance he’s won over and instead signs it all over to the residents of Sesame Street.
Big celebratory musical number, and we’re out. Bring in someone like Kay Hanley or Ben Folds to do the original songs. Make it an hour and forty-five mins tops. Let Statler and Waldorf heckle over the credits.
I dunno, I miss the sincerity and genuine optimism of the Muppets, and I’d love to get more of that, I feel like we could all use it these days, even if just for (and I can’t stress this enough) an hour and forty-five mins.
Riki MJ Adams is a musician and FBC contributor
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