I just returned home to Gretna, Nebraska, and I’ve noticed abundant changes here at Fancy Boys Club. The first is that this site is no longer mind-expanding by way of well-thought-out material written by me. The second is that some guy named Jordan Holmes has been writing a lot. Every article features his passport photo then a mugshot next to it. I spent the next few days researching this buffon and I came to the realization that Jordan Homens has never truly experienced sexual ecstasy.
Looking into Jordan Homes, he’s the host of a podcast called Knowledge FiteTV. It’s a show that reviews Tom Jones greatest hits, but at no point does it go over the true intentions of his songs, “What’s New Pussycat” or “She’s a Lady.” Obviously, both songs are about Shibari, the sexual art about rope tying and pushing your boundaries. I wasted 15 minutes of my morning listening to one episode. He yelled a lot.
When I look at the Fancy Boys Club front page, all I see is pieces written by Jorman Homes. There was one about not touching people, but not in a sensual, tantric way. Boring. There was one about doing illegal things. Sorry, Jormin, there are laws for a reason. There was a piece about the Tower of Babel, but not once was there even one mention of the origins of [Removed by editor due to explicit content] being brought to light as a way to [Removed to explicit content] completion.
I’m not one to judge–unless it’s a freestyle mountain hiking exhibition–but Jormin Humes simply isn’t knowledgeable about the history of sex. He tip-toes around it like a lioness circling the lion with her enchanting eyes of seduction. And with that though, it’s apparent that Jormin Hums has never experienced sexual ecstasy.
I’ve never spoken to Jermin before, but it’s apparent from his writing that he’s spent the majority of his life with bland, mediocre, repetitive sex: spooning. He’s probably never even opened the Kama Sutra. That’s completely laughable, correct? Who here hasn’t even made it to page 43? That’s a must-read for anyone wanting to release their inner-sexual being.
What’s most-offensive about Jermin Hums’ writing is that it doesn’t come from a place of sexual awakening. It comes from a place of sexual frustration, and he won’t admit it. Free yourself, German Hums from your repression. Allow yourself to enjoy a morning with a lovely person you feel that sexual companionship with to [Removed due to explicit content].
Please indulge yourself in my word–and this applies to more than German, but to anyone reading this: Make sure to embrace your inner-sexual being and let go by [Removed due to explicit content]. It’s that easy. Just take your hand and put it [Removed due to explicit content] and release [Removed due to explicit content], and maybe your writing won’t come off like two people in the spoon position in a mansion that costs less than $1 million.
I hope you’re reading this, right now, Jorland Hulms. If you are, please take my Unleash Your Sexual Future course at Jasmin’s Lighthouse in Tampa, Florida on October 12. The cost of admission is only $500, and it’s a $600 value. Unleash you [Removed due to explicit content].
Sincerely,
Alexander Truly
Fancy Boys Club 