Fancy Boys Football: Week 4 Mailbag

Week 4 of the NFL season is in the books. Matt Drufke has questions. Fancy Boys Football expert Jack Baker has the answers. Let’s mailbag.

I opened last week’s mailbag by asking why the NFL has done so well with their COVID protocols, and things went to hell before the article could even be released. In the past six days, an outbreak forced the Titans to postpone yesterday’s game against the Steelers, and the Chiefs and Patriots had to postpone their game one day, while New England QB Cam Newton will not be allowed to play after a positive COVID test. (Note: These questions were written Monday afternoon before any games.) So, here’s the question: Will things get better before they get worse? Or should we expect news like this to increase as the season continues?

COVID outbreaks will continue to happen and continue to mess with the schedule. How many college football games have been cancelled? With these leagues with big budgets and rapid tests still failing, it’s amazing that all the dumb-dumbs across the country are pushing to reopen schools and get kids playing football again. America is stupid and we don’t deserve nice things like a functioning football season. Maybe things will get better and they’ll take it more seriously now that every NFL owner’s favorite president had to be hospitalized, but I doubt it. 

The feeling from Bears Twitter after their 19-11 loss to the Colts didn’t feel like disappointment as much as it felt like… well, resignation. To quote Denny Green but in a different meaning, this seemed to be a lot of people saying the Bears are exactly who they thought they were. Let’s say you are the head coach of the Bears for the rest of the season: what do you do to try and get the most out of 2020?

The Bears have not played very well this year, but they’re still 3-1 and in prime position to fight for a Wild Card spot, especially considering they expanded the playoffs this year. 9-7 will probably be good enough for a spot and so at the very least you’ve gotta be looking to find 6 more wins on the Bears schedule. If they can beat the Vikings twice it’s possible, but that has to be the goal. Anything short of a playoff berth is a failure and Matt Nagy would be out of a job if Chicago sports radio callers had their way.

The Bears running game completely collapsed against the Colts and getting that back on track has to be the number priority for this team. If they can do that, they may have a chance, if not we’re looking at another 8-8ish season and will need Ryan Pace to make some kind of trade magic happen to get the next QB of the future.

The best part of Sunday’s Rams-Giants game (in which Los Angeles boringly won) seemed to happen after the game when Jalen Ramsey and Golden Tate came to blows midfield. To quote Shakira’s “Try Everything”: “I messed up tonight/I lost another fight”,which could seemingly be Golden Tate’s anthem. The fight even became more amazing after learning all of the drama behind it; last year, Ramsey had a very public, very nasty breakup with Tate’s sister. Honestly, I think the only thing that should happen to these two is that they get their own reality show. But, what should the punishment be?

Both players will probably get 2 game suspensions appealed down to one missed game. But the most fair punishment is that they should be forced to play for the Jets. We’ve seen that suspensions and fines don’t work, but the threat of having to play for the Jets should be enough for even the worst players to straighten out.

Who will be the last team to lose a game: The Seahawks, Bills, Steelers, Titans, Packers or Chiefs? And who will be the last team to win a game: The Falcons, Giants, Texans, or Jets?

The Chiefs are the best team in football and have the best player maybe in the history of the sport. I don’t know anything about their schedule but it will take a whole lot of luck lot to beat them. 

The Texans are 0-4 and just fired their coach and offensive coordinator. But having no coach is a better situation than the one the Jets find themselves in. We could be looking at an 0-16 season in New York and maybe a second 0-16 with the other New York team if we get really lucky.

Who is one player that most of America doesn’t know about that they should be watching? Who is this year’s secret gem?

I’m going to be a total homer and pick a Bear because no one reads this anyways. Darnell Mooney has been phenomenal so far this season. He’s the player they thought they were getting when they traded up to take Anthony Miller. Mooney runs crisp routes, gets great separation, and is fast as hell. Watch for him to become one of Foles’ favorite targets real soon.

I know I usually have a silly question to end these, but I’m so tired…umm… what’s your favorite football snack?

Football has the best snacks out of all the sports. Brats, burgers, wings, but if I had to pick one I’d say a big bowl of chili. Is chili a snack? Who cares? There’s nothing better than plopping down on your favorite chair to watch a December football game with a big bowl of chili. You can sit there eating and farting your afternoon away as God intended.

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