It is rare that something that is culturally dominant somehow slips by me. However, apparently this was the summer of Morgan Wallen’s “Last Night”, and I didn’t even know. I’ve never even heard the song. I’m clearly in the minority.
Six days ago, “Last Night” was the #1 song on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the sixteenth week in a row. In doing so, it set the record for the longest running song at #1 for a non-collaboration in the 65-year history of the chart. If Wallen’s song can keep it’s streak going for number one, it will set the record for the longest time on top of this chart for all songs. And since the Hot 100 measures streaming, sales, and radio plays, to have this record would make the country tune, in my opinion, the most popular song of all time.
I would like to point out again that I have never heard this song. But that is about to change.
I have tasked myself to listen to Morgan Wallen’s global smash. And to listen to it a lot. Over and over. I will listen to “Last Night” sixteen times, once for every week it has strode high as the hottest song in the land. And because the song was number one for the last sixteen consecutive weeks, I will also to the song sixteen times in a row. All shots. No chaser.
What will I learn about this track? About country music? About the state of music? Possibly about myself? Probably nothing, maybe everything.
Let’s get country.
LISTEN #1: Ok, seriously… What the fuck is this song?
When I first turned this song on and heard the acoustic guitar, I just assumed this was going to be a country ballad about either love or heartache. The first lyric is, “Last night, we let the liquor talk,” so I get that this relationship could really go either way. So I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I also definitely know I wasn’t expecting white guy rapping.
Ok, it’s not really rapping, but the two verses of this song have Wallen kind of talk-rhyming with pitter-patter, which I get may be the definition of rapping, but that is not what the fuck is going on here. Weirdly, the verses to this song remind me of the verses of Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week”, which is a thing I never thought I would have written when I began this project. But the verses change this song from a ballad into something. I’m not really sure what.
I don’t want to listen to this song again… I need to listen to this song again. Not because it’s good (undetermined) or because I like it (VERY undetermined), but I need to figure this thing out.
LISTEN #2: This song has no live drums. Nearly zero drums.
Producers Joey Moi and Charlie Handsome have a synthetic kick bass that is offset with snaps. I immediately feel bad for Wallen’s touring drummer, who has nothing to do when playing this song live. I just imagine them standing offstage, eating some pretzels and thinking, “I could have been in the studio for this…”
LISTEN #3: As I go to cue up the song for the third time, I’ve noticed something that has absolutely floored me: on Spotify, this isn’t even Wallen’s most streamed song. A song called “Wasted On You”, from Wallen’s 2021 album Dangerous, has about two million more streams. Another song, 2018’s “Whiskey Glasses”, has almost TWO HUNDRED MILLION more listens than “Last Night”. Clearly, I have somehow allowed Mr. Morgan to live in a giant blind spot of how I view pop culture.
Also, I am thrilled this song is under three minutes, because just as I am starting to get annoyed with this song, it’s over. Wallen and his production team clearly know what they are doing, even if this mean that he will never be invited to jam with Phish at Bonaroo.
LISTEN #4: On this listen, something has changed.
As the song has begun, I find myself humming along with the chorus. It’s kinda catchy. Not the rappy verses. Those have gotten worse. But the fact that multiple listens has me enjoying the chorus is probably a good indication of why this song has the staying power it does.
Also, it seems like this song is about a toxic relationship. If y’all keep breaking up and getting back together with someone after long nights of drinking, maybe you need to find someone who you have better communication skills with.
LISTEN #5: I didn’t know a lot about Morgan Wallen going into today, but what I did know wasn’t great. Here was the entirety of my knowledge:
In 2021, the singer came under fire when a video was released of him using the racial slur a white person should never, ever, never, never, ever use. Because the “cancel culture” conservatives fear is so real, Wallen was immediately thrown into a hole and never heard from again.
Wait, that didn’t happen.
The dude became more popular than ever as a group who think of themselves as MAGA Republicans (but are really just people who don’t think they should get in trouble for saying racist shit) rallied behind him. At the opening night of his current tour (at a sold out Madison Square Garden), a loud chant of “Let’s Go Brandon!” filled the arena. Knowing that if he either supported or condemned the cheer, he would risk losing listeners, Wallen chose to not acknowledge the chant. For a man with the word “Dangerous” written on his guitar, that seems pretty cowardly to me.
LISTEN #6: Do you think I would look good in a cowboy hat? I kind of think I would look good in a cowboy hat.
LISTEN #7: Yeah… this song is definitely not about a healthy relationship.
If, like me, you’ve never heard the song before, the premise is simple: this is about a couple who should probably not be together. Every night, there is drinking and fighting and drinking and talking and sex and breaking up and reconciling and more drinking. In the cold light of day, everyone sees what this couple cannot: that they are not good for each other. But Wallen (as narrator) knows they will get back together, repeating over and over, “No way it was our last night.”
Get some couples therapy, you two. Sheesh.
LISTEN #8: Ok, these verses are definitely still reminding me of Ed Robertson in the Barenaked Ladies’ song “One Week”. I’m waiting for Wallen to sing, “Gonna get in tune with Sailor Moon cause that cartoon has got the boom, anime babes that make me think the wrong thing”
LISTEN #9: Wallen only swears twice in this song, both times using the expletive “shit”. And that should give it some kind of gravitas or power, but- honestly- the word just feels kind of forced in. I’m not sure if Wallen added the words himself or if he didn’t want to sing it in the first place, but those are the only disingenuous moments in the song.
LISTEN #10: Admittedly, I spent most of this listen Amazon shopping for cowboy hats.
LISTEN #11: I keep thinking about how my family went to dinner last weekend and the Little League World Series was on. ESPN polled all of the players about who their favorite player and video game and food was. According to the poll, Morgan Wallen was these athletes’ favorite singer. So, obviously, a lot of kids are listening to this song, which is crazy considering how much of a bummer it is. It would be like if my school’s football team had gotten pumped up to Sinead O’Connor’s version of “Nothing Compares 2 U”.
Jocks will jam in the unlikeliest of ways.
LISTEN #12: Here’s something I didn’t know: Morgan Wallen was on The Voice, a show my wife really enjoys.
I have always said that The Voice has always suffered as a show because they didn’t have the one superstar to point to as the person who went on to huge things. I guess, technically, Wallen doesn’t quite prove that case. He was eliminated in the playoff rounds and wasn’t even one of the final singers. But still, Bo Bice never had a song go #1 on the Hot 100.
LISTEN #13: I mentioned that Wallen was chasing the record for the all-time consecutive Hot 100 champ. I should mention that the song he is trying to surpass is Lil Nas X & Billy Ray Cyrus with “Old Town Road”. I will spend all of this listen just thinking about how much better of a song “Old Town Road” is…
LISTEN #14: I guess we should talk about WHY “Last Night” is so popular, because I totally get it. It’s a harmless song that has a catchy hook and Wallen doesn’t really use a lot of range with the sing-song melody so anyone can sing along. For a guy who was on a singing contest, he doesn’t really go anywhere with his voice on this track. I imagine this song is huge in karaoke bars.
LISTEN #15: It would be easy to say that 2023 music was dominated by problematic country singers and their dogshit songs, but that’s not exactly true. Yes, this has been the season of Jason Aldean telling us what we should and should not try in a small town and some doofus named Oliver Anthony just being weird with his MAGA dogwhistles.
And those songs have gotten press and sales and some popularity. But none of that has staying power. It’s like the people supporting Aldean and Anthony just wanted to buy the songs to prove a political point. The people buying and streaming “Last Night” have shown that this song is not a fad. It’s a legit hit. So, if you see someone from MAGA twitter talking about how great Morgan Wallen is, it’s possible they like the song. But it’s also just as likely they’re a fan of a white dude using the N-word.
LISTEN #16: Well, this came a relatively painless end. I guess I found a song with a silly white-dude rap and a catchy chorus. However, here is the most interesting part of this experiment:
As I finished my final listen of “Last Night”, Spotify started the next song for me, and it ws another Morgan Wallen song. This song, “You Proof” also has minimal percussion, choosing to go with MORE FINGER SNAPS.
Morgan Wallen, please, I beg you: Hire a fucking drummer.
Fancy Boys Club 
Wow…I had never heard this song either! What a pile of steaming turd.
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