There and Back Again and Oh, Damn It: A Journey Already Once Taken

There and Back Again and Oh, Damn It: A Journey Already Once Taken

As Frodo Baggins awoke in an unfamiliar bed, the bright and comforting sunlight of Minas Tirith greeting him with warm cheek kisses, his eyes made out the silhouette of a friendly figure. Gandalf the White stood before him, beaming with relief to see the young Halfling up and finally home safely from his burdonous quest. Bounding in from the adjacent terrace came Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, leaping onto the bed and jumping with glee to see their dear friend alive. Next came Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn, three of Middle Earth’s mightiest warriors who laid their lives on the line to ensure Frodo’s success, awashed with relief to see that the sacrifices of many brave men and women did not go in vain. Finally, enter Samwise Gamgee, Frodo’s dearest friend, savior, and perhaps the greatest hero of this epic tale. The two simply exchange a smile and a nod, knowing that the many Hells they faced together made their bond even stronger. They left a home they didn’t want to leave for parts unknown, met copious amounts of peril with tremendous courage the likes of which had never been seen from their kind, and saved an entire realm from a seemingly unstoppable evil. They survived a quest that was meant to be their end. 

Now imagine, after all that, Frodo reached into his pocket and found another One Ring. I bet he’d be pretty fucking miffed about it. 

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The Menzingers’ “Hello Exile”: An Ode to a Sad Boy Weekend

The Menzingers’ “Hello Exile”: An Ode to a Sad Boy Weekend

The first week of October is a very special time of year for guys like me. Our flannel button-ups shed their dust and see the light of day once more, kegs of the dark beers we yearned for through the hard seltzer summer are finally being tapped, and we all get real fucking stoked to bust out our crockpot soup recipes. Most significantly, though, the ol’ seasonal depression rears its ugly head: that’s right, baby, it’s sad boy season!

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5 Songs That Could Replace The Star-Spangled Banner

5 Songs That Could Replace The Star-Spangled Banner

The 2019-2020 NFL football season is upon us. Though my interest in American football expeditiously faded after only receiving a portion of my entitled winnings from a fantasy championship win, due to a lack of performance in a dual-commissioned league (if I ever see your cousin again, I’ll break his fucking legs, Phil.), I still find myself adjacent to the cherished traditions practiced across the nation that tickle the senses; The smell of sweaty, encased meats on a Weber grill at a tailgate, the vivid cornucopia of colors of the vast variety of jerseys, and as of the last few Thanksgivings, the piercing squawk of a dipshit aunt spouting her thoughts on the National Anthem.

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